15 Least Accurate Hacker Films

Before I get flamed for misuse of the term, I would like to state that hackers are not malicious people. They’re simply computer geeks who have been pushed to the edge by macho jocks. Jokes aside, the term actually refers to people who enjoy solving problems and figuring out how complex systems operate. The term for malicious computer hacking is ‘cracking’, and hackers themselves generally identify under the terms ‘White Hat’ or ‘Black Hat’ to describe their alignment. Regardless, Hollywood took the name hacker and ran with it, along with presenting it as a much more riveting process than in reality.

The truth is a feature film based on real life cracking wouldn’t be as provocative to most audiences simply because it just doesn’t go on the way film makers make it out to be. For better or for worse it has brought about a multitude of visual interpretations on what cracking into a private network should look like. A common trend seems to be the heavy use of progress bars filling at the last second, cryptic text dancing around screens, and lots of Cartesian planes made of lasers. While laughable to the more technically inclined it can be entertaining nonetheless. The following list pays homage to some of the most fantastic and far-removed hacker flicks. While not every film listed is terrible in itself, the ‘hacking’ segments certainly are. Loading access interfaces now…

 

1. Swordfish (2001)

Working under pressure can be hard. When you have a gun to your head, a lady exploring inside of your trousers, and sixty seconds to hack into the mainframe it can make for a stressful time. That certainly didn’t prevent one brilliant hacker, played by Hugh Jackman, from showing just how l33t his pen skills were. With a whiz of the keyboard and some fancy moves in the CLI he was able to knock down all the doors and decrypt all the encryptions. Though terribly distorted from reality, it did make for one of the more interesting hacking scenes put in film. Happy ending included.

 

2. The Net (1985)

In this classic nineties flick. Sandra Bullock’s character is a true woman of the web. She exclusively socializes with friends she has never met through chat rooms and pays little stock into making physical appearances in real life. Plans to meet in person with a co-worker are halted by his suspicious death and suddenly she finds herself embroiled in a situation involving a few malicious cyber-terrorists. They delete her identity and replace it with a wanted criminal profile. Since she worked remotely from home for a job that never required an in-person interview (believable!) and never bothered to put effort into meeting people in real life, she finds herself running from the law with nowhere to turn and no one to trust. This is a really good case for face-time, people.

 

3. Gamer (2008)

You’re a brilliant hacker and you invent the world’s first fully functional, self-replicating nano-bots. You could cure illnesses, revolutionize global infrastructure, and unlock amazing new human potential… or you could just use it to make a kinky version of Second Life and then move on to elaborate deathmatches involving player controlled death-row inmates for entertainment purposes. That pretty much sums up the premise of a film that was likely produced to turn the heads  of FPS fans. It could be debated, given our track record of a race, that this is actually a believable result of having such amazing technology. Sigh.

 

4. Antitrust (2001)

Who would’ve thought Bill Gates would make for such a great villain model. Released the same year Windows 2000 finally worked (sometimes), this film tells the tale of yet another brilliant hacker who is scouted by the tech company NURV (Never Underestimate Radical Vision… yeah!). The seemingly noble CEO, played by Tim Robbins, promises the young hacker the world in exchange for his brilliant keyboard mashing skills, however not everything is as rosy as it would seem. When his best friend is murdered a conspiracy unravels (like good conspiracies often do) and it is discovered that NURV steals code, kills the original coder, and claims it for themselves. Ridiculous as the film seems, it leaves one with a shiver when you consider why stable releases of Windows require so many follow up software patches.

5. Hackers (1995)

Of all the films listed here, this one really gets under my skin the most. Hacking used to be something respectable. It was done by people who preferred solving problems over being cool. This film really tried to reinvent the image of hackers by transforming them into ripped-jean cyber-punk rebels without a cause. Not just cool, ‘Zero Cool’. If you ask me, it seems more like someone confused hacking with raving and ran with a 7.5 million USD budget. At least it had a good soundtrack.

 

6. Track Down (aka Hackers 2) (2000)

Rarely do sequels outdo their predecessors, yet this unofficial sequel to Hackers does just that. Roughly based on the life of the famous computer hacker Kevin Mitnick, this film offers a significantly more interested story that the first Hackers film, which had little to no ties to the reality of computer hacking. While a bit on the theatrical side, it actually provides a more accurate portrayal of what hacking entails. Unfortunately, it does feature a fair share of those suspenseful progress-bar scenes. Seems directors just can’t get away from those.

 

7. War Games (1983)

This is the oldest hacker themed film that I am aware of and it certainly started things off with high stakes. What could be a worse imaginable situation than being faced with every nuclear ICBM in America going full salvo across the world? Matthew Broderick plays the role of David Lightman who is another one of those brilliant young computer hacker types. Pushing the boundaries of what can be achieved with an 8080 microcomputer he starts with changing his school grades. Next he stumbles upon access to a NORAD supercomputer filled with all sorts of fun sounding games like ‘Theaterwide Biotoxic and Chemical Warfare’ and ‘Global Thermonuclear War’ (been waiting for this one to go on Steam sale for a while myself). Seems legit. What starts out as a fun hacking challenge puts Lightman in a situation where one wrong move could trigger World War III and the end of humanity. Damn script kiddies.

 

8. Live Free of Die Hard (2007)

Some of you might recall a bit of computer hacking in the first Die Hard film. While it turned the tide for John McClane, aka Bruce Willis, it was far from the main focus of the film. A decade has since passed and technology has come a long way from simply controlling how elevators go about their business. Now the safety and security of America is in peril as a rogue hacker goes about messing with everything, killing off other hackers who may stand in his way. Now McClane must combing his yipee-ki-yay skills with those of yet another brilliant young hacker, played by famous Mac fan-boy Justin Long, who knows never to trust a PC for his hack attacks.

 

9. Superman III (1983)

Gus Gorman, played by Richard Pryor, isn’t good at much, but he soon discovers he has a knack for computer hacking, because like that perfect golf swing, hacking is just one of those things you stumble upon if you’re a natural. Now he has his eyes set on the world financial markets and it is up to Superman to stop him. That’s right. One might think that the Kryptonian hero would have little to fear from a hacker, yet Gorman uses his incredible computer skills to create his own Kryptonite ray, thus tipping the scales as he continues his plan to create a massive super-computer that will bring the world to its knees. Like most of the other films in this list, totally legit.

 

10. Sneakers (1992)

There’s another word people use to describe individuals who use exploits in software to have their way with secure systems. Sneakers… because they’re so sneaky! Robert Redford plays the role of one of the best sneakers out there in this nineties caper film. Approached by the government to find some black box that the Russians might use again America, Redford’s character must sneak his way through the web to find the truth about everything while solving anagrams that fly over the heads of pretty much everyone else in the film. Other stars featured in this film include Dan Ackroyd, Ben Kingsley and River Phoenix. Not half bad of line up and not half bad of a flick, though not exactly accurate when it comes to the real deal.

 

11. Firewall (2006)

Harrison Ford seems to have a knack for playing characters faced with a really bad day. In this thriller we find him playing the role of Jack Stanfield, an expert computer programmer who specializes in air-tight security systems. When his family is kidnapped and held ransom he has little choice but to cooperate with a criminal whose eyes are set on a bank. Said bank is kept secure with the computer program Stanfield made. Mind you, that’s not really how Mr. Ford likes to handle situations, and he inevitably turns the tide against his provoker by utilizing his amazing computer-whispering abilities. Never mess with Harrison Ford.

 

12. Disclosure (1994)

While this film is a bit less heavy on the hacking than some of the others, it just had to be brought to light due to the absolutely fantastic scenes that depicted Michael Douglas’ character diving into the virtual web. Other big names in this film include Demi Moore, Donald Sutherland and Dennis Miller. While the film itself isn’t exactly great, it sure is fun seeing such a grand cast as this thrown into such a ridiculous yet high-budget film.

 

13. Evilspeak (1981)

Nothing ramps up those DDoS attacks like a good old fashioned satanic ritual! They say Satan is one of the most l33t hackers of them all, you know. Makes as much sense as half the other hacking stuff directors are serving out to audiences. This gem of a film follows the story of a bullied military academy student, played by Clint Howard, who decides to ping the devil in hopes of enacting revenge on his fellow students. It pretty much plays out just as one might expect, with lots of pentagrams flashing across computer screens with blood smattering and such. Not bad for a laugh if you’re a fan of those cheesy horror flicks.

 

14. Weird Science (1985)

Some call this one the Frankenstein of the modern age. The story follows two geeks who figure out all they need to do in order to meet girls is design, program, and launch them into reality. Brilliant! Fueled by their hormonal frustration they set to work and create their ideal woman by taking some wires to a doll and hacking into a government network for extra power. Seems legit. One of the great things about this film is the fact that it totally gave the finger to being ‘credible’ and resulted in a pretty hilarious, albeit totally ridiculous, and entertaining film.

15. .com For Murder (2002)

To be honest I haven’t actually seen this one because it looks absolutely terrible. The story revolves around a woman’s accidental encounter with a stranger on the Internet who might be a killer. It boasts one of the lowest scores on Rotten Tomatoes that I have ever seen, an impressively low 8%. Could it really be that bad? There’s a pretty high chance that I will never know, because clearly I’ve already wasted enough time watching almost every other bad hacker film out there, but I thought it would be fun to throw in this list, just in case you want to suffer through it. If you have seen this flick and can confirm just how terrible is it please let me know.

I can only imagine there are a few out there that I’ve missed, along with a multitude of terrible computer hacking moments in other films (like when Jeff Goldblum uploads a computer virus to the invading alien mothership during Independence Day). If there are any other wonderfully terrible hack moments you enjoyed a good laugh over, please share them below, but please… just don’t h@ck_m3_br0.