The literary world was left in a state of shock today with the news that a Brighton author has completed work on his novel, all before the deadline was due.
Neighbours of Casey Hunnington, 27, were left aghast when they saw the writer emerge from his house after two months with no sign of activity from within. Eyewitnesses said Hunnington had a wild look in his eye and was dressed in only a onesie stained with bolognese sauce from “at least three weeks ago”.
Speaking to press at the time, Casey said he had to make one or two sacrifices to stay on schedule:
“The kids were really excited when I told them they were going to Disneyland for a couple of months, which wasn’t quite true. That’s the writer in me, always embellishing!” he chuckled, nervously stroking his unkempt Gandalfian beard.
“I think kids grow up too soft these days. When I heard about Camp Fandango, I knew that military school would be the perfect excursion for them. Private Daisy and Corporal Frankie are getting on really well, and their time away really helped me get past chapter six!”
“The wife was initially quite hesitant, but once she realised that she could watch seasons of The Vampire Diaries without interruption, she was won over. Actually, I haven’t seen her in about three weeks. Come to think of it, all her clothes are gone too. Weird.”
One of the biggest issues modern writers face is procrastination. When asked how he managed to not get distracted during the writing process, Hunnington offered some wise words of advice.
“It was pretty simple, really. I realised that things like Facebook and Twitter were a huge distraction, so I deleted them and any trace of my identity to make sure I couldn’t reactivate them. My nan called up because she thought I was dead, we had a pretty good laugh about that.”
“I haven’t experienced human contact in a long time. Is it okay if I touch your face? Just one finger.”
The interviewer reportedly declined his request, after which Hunnington barked like a dog and scuttled into a nearby forest.
Casey Hunnington’s book, Jane Austen Reloaded, will be available on Amazon from the 11th of March.