Women Wank Too. (NSFW)

Hi. My name is Stacey. I’m a Caucasian female, 22 years of age and I’m a wanker. 

FYI, that’s actually ok.

Perhaps it is the centuries of the lie back and think of England attitude, but there still seems to be this stigma that women don’t enjoy sex, or that it is dirty, or yes it’s fun but it’s not something we can handle alone. I’ll never fully understand this. Women are very good at talking to each other (forgive the stereotyping here) whereas Men don’t tend to and yet although we’ll go to each other for advice about what to do with our boyfriends, how many of us will comfortably sit there and say, “I enjoy sex.” “I enjoy sex with various different people.” “I have PornHub in my recent history because I was flicking the bean.”

And when I have known people who have been comfortable with doing that, it’s been outrageous. Something to go “WOW how confident! How unusual!” Let’s face facts here. Most of us do it. Some of us don’t and that’s also fine.

I’m largely a feminist and  as part of my core values, as a human- feminism aside- is that sex is something we should all be able to embrace and enjoy if we want to. This is why I am a feminist who is pro-ethical porn and who is DEFINITELY pro masturbation. Female orgasms are tricky and frankly, we shouldn’t be waiting around for a (wo)man to figure out how our buttons work. I don’t need them to give me a good time – I just enjoy it when they do.

The problem is, many of us women struggle to orgasm. In fact it is believed around a third of women never have an orgasm. Around 70% of women don’t cum from penetrative sex. Sorry ladies, but knowledge is power here. If you don’t know how to spell a word, you wouldn’t just sit there and go “Oh I’m just one of those women who don’t know how to spell discombobulated” You’d grab a dictionary or open Google and find out how to spell it. So take responsibility for your orgasms girls and get flicking.

I remember an excellent episode of Sex and the City where the ladies are discussing whether or not they’ve seen their vagina. You know what? It’s your vagina. It’s beautiful. Own it. Grab a mirror, grab RedTube and go to town. Don’t be afraid of your vagina. This part of your body is a wonderful sacred thing that can not only make you very blissfully happy but some day may push out the most important people in your life. So you might as well get to know it. Then, when you do know it a bit better, you know what it likes, what it doesn’t, where everything is…and then maybe you have a hope in hell of explaining all.

If you’re unsure, I totally recommend the film My Awkward Sexual Adventure. It’s a fantastically light hearted look at sex that actually comes packed with some great advice.

“The woman’s clitoris has four quadrants. In short, with manual or oral stimulation it is necessary to concentrate on the upper left quadrant.”

I remember both me and my friend going quiet, withdrawing into some sordid memories, coming back out and in unison going “Oh yeah, she’s right!”. For the record, my super, happy, me, fun time got a hell of a lot better after realising there was this map. And hey, if that map doesn’t work for you? That’s also fine, chart your own and be sure to tell your partners about it.

So apart from educating you and your partners, why else should you grab your rabbit and buzz away? Well, how about because it feels good and relieves stress and tension? That’s enough of a reason for me. Know what you’re into, seek it and enjoy it. It really is ok to enjoy sex. It doesn’t make you a slut. Oh and girls? Just because you know someone who enjoys good sex, does not automatically make her a threat to your relationships. So please stop hating. Women have suffered for equality and hey, I vote, I work and I enjoy a damn good orgasm, I enjoy damn good sex and so long as it’s consensual then I’m not hurting anyone. What’s wrong with that?

If a man slept around, he’d be praised by his counterparts and while I’m not saying it’s ok to treat people like objects or conquests and more often than not I am the first person to hate lad culture. However, I care about my friends. I want my friends to be happy. When they are having lot’s of happy orgasms that’s a good thing for them so I’m pleased for them. I think we should support this. Not shame each other for it.

Sex isn’t a dirty secret and if it weren’t for sex you wouldn’t be here. So let’s enjoy it ok?