SHORT STORIES: The Sheerthorpe Incident

Husband, Beckett and Prentice Cable Cars Ltd

There had been a time when Prentice had unsuccessfully campaigned for Cable Cars Ltd to hang from the names of the company owners in an attempt at corporate branding. The idea being that the surnames would represent a wire of sorts, with the words Cable, Cars, and Ltd, stammering along the undercarriage as a visual representation of sky traffic. He had large-scale plans for it in neon; for a while the only form of sign writing he’d entertain due to its gift of imparting motion. Accident rates being what they were however, the sign had taken a back seat to more pressing matters such as insurance formulae and the subtracting of murder charges. Husband could speak at length of the catastrophic risk implicit in a ‘high-wire ride’. He almost thrived on it. Cable tension was another subject he actively delighted in, stating more often than was necessary that a cabin’s hanging ‘is in the balance’. Unsure as to whether this was an industry joke or engineering prowess, Prentice had taken to laughing regardless and uttering his agreement so that both stations were manned. Husband, Beckett and Prentice had, of course, been solely Beckett until the firm required expansion due to the opening of several new lines.

Recruiting from within, Beckett had employed Husband and Prentice as Head Architect of Aerial Tram Research and Director of Chairlift Promotion, respectively. As operations grew, it seemed only natural to make them partners. Initially operating a mono-cable chairlift system escalating the Lowham Ravine on behalf of Swale Industries, the firm had taken the commercially minded move into pleasure wires; opening a bi-cable gondola system over the Sheerthorpe crevasse. Hot on the heels of its success, the Todport tourism board had approached the company concerning the erection of a detachable system over the Dunderdale Cliffs. The up-scaling of operations was desirable for all parties but warranted safety inspections and the odd court case. In an unfortunate incident a safety inspector plummeted to his death after threatening to fine the company for a breach of regulations. An independent review found the death to be a tragic accident; nevertheless it was untidy.

‘The apparent advantage of a detachable cable-based system is that stock can be added or removed according to season and trade’ Husband was standing in the engine house of the Dunderdale lifts. ‘Local authorities regard this as a miracle of the modern age. Cost-efficiency at its finest! However, the real advantage lies in the system’s structural weakness.’

‘How weak?’ Prentice enquired. ‘It’ll need to stand up under the scrutiny of official investigation.’

‘Therein lies the rub. This is my greatest sleight of hand to date.’

‘I won’t have another Sheerthorpe’ Beckett remarked pulling on the cable in a manner that somehow expressed that he certainly would not have another Sheerthorpe.

‘Sheerthrope was unfortunate and with hindsight, a miscalculation in tension opened us up to more attention that we desired. Dunderdale however is my Rome’

‘Quite remarkable’ Prentice agreed, reclining in one of the chairlifts which resembled a rather accomplished garden bench. A bench going up in the world. ‘Quite remarkable’

‘What exactly is she capable of?’ asked Beckett.

‘Each car has its own grip. This is the essential nature of a detachable system. If the grip is not applied properly, it can damage the cable, or even better, become entangled. In the latter case, the car may not be able to stop and can wreak havoc along its route.’

‘We’d still be held accountable’ countered Prentice ‘if it can be proved that the grip was ill applied.’

‘That may be so. However, the scenario requires the inspecting authority to actually recover the grip. Look around you, two-thirds of our cable is over open sea. We have struck a deal with geography, gentlemen.’

The men contemplated the gap and the gradient between their station and the summit of the cliffs. The wind scattered a few seagulls and the brilliant cable bounced between its wheels.

‘A demonstration’

Husband shooed Prentice out of the chairlift, dragged it underneath the wire and loosely applied the grip.

‘The hanging is in the balance’

‘Indeed’ Prentice snorted.

RECOMMENDED

[contentcards url=”https://culturedvultures.com/short-stories-he-and-she/” target=”_blank”]

Husband threw the power; the wheels assumed motion and the garden bench gently took flight. It was a proud moment for the firm; the maiden voyage of a new sky ferry. In the no-so-distant past Beckett had wondered if the Dunderdale cable would ever be hung due to the Sheerthorpe incident. Annual inspections being what they were Beckett had taken sufficient precautions to butter up the inspector by purchasing a somewhat rare bottle of single malt for his arrival. Upon the admission that the inspector ‘was not a drinking man’ Beckett had thrown a healthy glug into his Bovril anyway and presented him with the beefy cocktail. The inspector seemed to take to his alcoholic meat drink and almost immediately requested that another be made. Following a drowsy afternoon spent in the office of the Sheerthorpe station looking over the previous inspector’s notes, the time came for the attraction to close down for the evening. The structural inspection that followed brought into question the integrity of the cable tension, and unhappy with what he had witnessed it was decided that the inspector must ride to the top of the crevasse to make a full assessment. After hoisting the inspector half way, Husband powered down the system and all three men went home for the night. Protests fell silent against the night and the inspector was forced to settle in and eventually bowed his head to sleep more out of exhaustion than will. The following morning the inspector awoke to the rather dishonourable slight of all three members of Husband, Beckett and Prentice Cable Cars Ltd in the opposite lift to his on a downward trajectory. With the aid of a pole the business partners managed to wholly dislodge the inspector from his sky seat and he plummeted some 90 feet to his demise. The autopsy had uncovered alcohol in the bloodstream and a verdict of misadventure was administered.

The tech demonstration continued, and Prentice and Beckett watched as Husband levitated a garden bench between the sea and the gulls.

‘Budget aviation for the discerning holidaymaker’ Beckett uttered – mostly to himself.

All three could see the wires. The whole rig supporting the trick. The gravity deception. But for a while the bench seemed autonomous. A self-governing sky state. Floating. Unpopulated. All of a sudden the unreality of the situation jerked and the chairlift was liberated from the cable. Husband’s bench had achieved independence. Falling to earth it violated Dunderdale’s airspace and smashed into the sea.

‘When do we open?’ asked Prentice, rhetorically as the chairlift capsized.

The opening had been scheduled for the weekend of the 23rd. At 10am on the nose the mayor would ride out of the Dunderdale station and ascend into the atmosphere. The entire town had been invited to witness the spectacle and by all accounts the mayor was rather excited at the prospect of being delivered to the summit by mechanical means. Upon approaching the mayor’s office Prentice had felt the pressure of securing a big name for the grand opening. As Director of Chairlift Promotion it was his duty to obtain the services of one of the town’s most recognizable faces. The mayor – whose face resembled a red balloon decorated with civic regalia – was certainly one of the most recognisable. Upon considering the offer that Prentice put before him, the municipal balloon graciously accepted. Giving an account of his ceremonial duties, the mayor explained that it was positively his administrative obligation to ride above the town on a cable. To further inspire the masses he intended to wear full robes. The situation had pleased Prentice considerably. The mayor was a man of mass there was no doubt. It would be an engineering feat in itself to establish him airborne. However, the sight would be doubly impressive if his globular frame was wrapped in officialdom. There would of course be the obligatory speech, light refreshments and perhaps a tour of the engine house. The mayor wished very much to see the engine house, admitting his fondness for railways and transportation in general. As a boy he had often visited a signal box operated by his uncle and marvelled at the levers and dials. The logistical responsibility the box represented never failed to impress and he would look forward to witnessing firsthand the inner workings of the town’s new sky ride. Prentice assured him it was quite the thing.

RECOMMENDED

[contentcards url=”https://culturedvultures.com/short-stories-just-dust/” target=”_blank”]

Excited with what he’d seen by way of a demonstration, Beckett floated the idea that they ought to repeat the experiment with a dummy weight. All agreed that this was the way to proceed and a search of the sands began to locate a suitable candidate.

‘Rather than break our backs attempting to lift some enormous rock onto a chairlift, we ought to find smaller items that are roughly equal to the component parts of a human male.’ Husband suggested as they walked the shoreline. ‘This rock is approximately the equivalent weight of a human head’

‘Have you ever weighed a head?’ enquired Prentice.

‘Not scientifically’

Entering from the access point closest to the town centre bus route, an old man and his dog silently watched three men in suits take it in turns to hold a rock. After a time, Beckett glimpsed the spectator and beckoned him over.

‘Good sir, a moment of your time. I have a rather rare bottle of single malt in the terminal of the fine new cable system you see before you. I wonder if you‘d care for a drop while we discuss a spot of business’

‘Aye’ replied the dog walker ‘I’m somewhat of a collector, besides it’ll warm me up before breakfast.’

‘I knew immediately that you were a man of taste’ said Beckett ‘I’m sure you’ll find my proposition to your satisfaction. This way.’

Leading the dog walker into the structure that housed the engine, ticket booth and back office, Beckett thought back to the inspector suspended in time above the Sheerthrope crevasse. An administrative fledgling in a man-made nest.

‘Here we are!’ he exclaimed, producing a rather misshaped bottle of whiskey from the safe. ‘Hand blown’ he added tapping the glass with his wedding ring.

‘What’s the distillery on that label?’

‘Noup of Skerries. 15 years matured’

‘Can’t say I’m familiar ‘

Beckett sniffed the burnt woodiness of the cork and poured two glasses.

‘My proposal is very simple. We open this attraction in three days time and have just this morning passed a safety assessment. The next stage in testing is to have someone ride to the top of the cliffs so that we may check that all the affiliated infrastructure is functioning. This is where you come in. If it is to be a dress rehearsal one of us needs to man the ticket booth, another man must operate the engine room, and the remaining partner will be at the top to greet you. Ensuring your dismount is one of ease; he will then lead you to the way out and confirm that the turnstiles are working properly. The mayor himself is to open the cable cars and will make the first official journey. You’d be providing a vital public service.’

‘I’m walking old Nigel up the cliff paths anyhow. Quicker we can get to the top quicker we can get to the pub.’

‘The dog?’

‘Aye, the dog.’

‘So it’s settled. We will provide you with a ride to the summit and send Nigel up in the car after you.’

‘Aye, go on then’

‘Excellent. Obviously we’ll only charge you half-price due to the fact that you’re doing us such a vast favour.’

‘I’m to be charged?’

‘We must confirm that the cash register is working.’

‘I’m not paying. Hand me the change from your very own pocket and we’ll use that.’

‘Out of the question; I don’t carry change. You’ll have a discounted ride and a story for the pub. There will be no charge for Nigel, of course.’

‘Another dram of this malt and you have yourself a deal.’

As the grip was applied to the cable, Husband enlightened the dog walker that as mass transit systems go, cable cars were just about the most elegant he could imagine. Although he had cut his teeth on the railways and had a healthy respect for their self-determination, he had found the traffic system to be messily exposed to the rust of human error. Buses appalled him. There was no headway to be made on a bus. Canals genuinely annoyed him, they were clunky and distasteful. Cable-propelled transit was the pinnacle of travel, of that he was certain. Husband could not understand why its principals had not been applied to other forms of transportation; traffic flow is perfectly regulated, the speed limit is determined, all the sophistication of a queue system is upheld. Following a brief lecture on cable tension, during which the dog walker felt that he should have announced his disinterest, the garden bench had been fully rigged up and the first manned ascent of the Dunderdale Cliffs was under way. As he cast off, the brilliant wire tolerated the dog walker’s full weight and with malty glee he observed the gap between his carriage and the ground increasing. He shuttled along beyond the sands, and above the sea was the half-cut mariner of his own pleasure vessel. Giddily he drank in the magnificence of the cliffs; it had been worth the entrance fee. Prentice watched from the station above the cliffs as three quarters of the way into the ascent the grip retired from active service and a dog riding a cable car came into full view. As the dog walker dropped to his death, two glasses of Noup of Skerries climbed his throat in pointless escape. Nigel yowled. The wire bounced erratically yet somehow Nigel remained not only in motion, but on the chairlift. As the entire structure stabilized it became clear to Prentice that Nigel was going to survive the wire climb. By now Nigel had passed the point where his master’s chairlift had displaced itself from the wire and was still trucking. The dog trundled up the cable and glided into the station at the top of cliffs. The car and its motion gently folded the wild grasses that had not yet been cut in the dismount zone and Prentice knew he had to act.

As Nigel whipped around the mechanism to make good his decent Prentice attacked the grip with a wrench from the maintenance compartment. It had no recognisable effect and as Nigel began his downward journey Prentice wondered why he hadn’t just struck the dog. At the bottom station, Beckett counted the money in the cash register. He had watched the dog make the most of his free trip and was curious to see if he’d make the return journey. Barely coating his lips in whiskey he rolled them together and waited. Lo and behold, Nigel floated down from the cliff edge barking at the cable that knotted him to the sky. Upon baring witness to this sight, Husband, who had emerged briefly from the engine room, took the decision to momentarily cease the poetry of his mass transportation system of choice. Nigel hung in the balance while a meeting was held on the ground as to the best course of action to take. The dog looked on as the two business men discussed the shortcomings of their situation and came to a decision. Returning to the engine room Husband took to a process of starting up the cable and abruptly stopping it, imparting a rocking motion to Nigel’s gondola. Subtle at first, once Husband hit his rhythm the cable bounced and the chairlift danced like a pen in a bookies. The grip help firm as Nigel was eventually lobbed from the chairlift into the rocky waters below. When Prentice returned to the sands the three partners held a minutes silence for the courageous dog and Beckett said a few words about his warm character, loyalty and gentle temperament around children.

RECOMMENDED

[contentcards url=”https://culturedvultures.com/short-stories-clarabelles-song/” target=”_blank”]

The day of the grand opening arrived and it was Prentice who arrived first on the sands to unlock the station and erect the bunting. Tacking it to the ticket booth he discerned that he had enough remaining length to create an approach of sorts where a queue might form. Taking two nearby sticks he stretched two lengths of bunting parallel to one another and stood back to admire his new school of functionalist architecture. Husband materialised around twenty minutes later and began attaching chairlifts to the cable. It was a somewhat repetitive procedure that involved dragging a chairlift from the store, attaching its grip to the cable, and disappearing to the engine room to impart some forward motion to establish a particular distance between it and the next chairlift to be attached. One by one he threaded the cable with chairlifts. Having completed this task he tested the tension. Standing at the bottom of the lift holding the cable it looked as if he was flying a dozen garden benches like kites. Satisfied, Husband disappeared to the top of the cliffs to mow the grass in the dismount zone. By 9.15am a small crowd had begun to gather around the ticket booth. Prentice had tied the obligatory ribbon across the entrance of the station in preparation of the mayor’s arrival. It had occurred to him that there was a distinct lack of scissors in the locale, but Beckett knew the office layout better than he and would doubtless know where the stationary had been stored. Representatives of the Todport Tourism Board arrived and were greeted by Prentice, and once he had changed into his suit, Husband. Beckett arrived with the mayor at 9.45am and addressed the crowd.

‘Ladies and gentleman. Husband, Beckett and Prentice Cable Cars Ltd is proud to be servicing the community of Dunderdale with this outstanding sightseeing attraction. Our company has always been dedicated to making the inaccessible, accessible. It is our belief that every man and his dog deserves to rediscover his town from a new perspective. We’d like to take the time to welcome the members of Todport Tourist Board who supplied the funding for this most excellent venture and we also welcome all of you, the citizens of Dunderdale, to this… your very own stairway to heaven.’

Beckett gestured towards the cable.

‘Without further ado, I pass the baton over to your lord mayor who will open the attraction and be the first man in Dunderdale to ride the cable cars.’

As the crowd applauded the mayor mimed a pair of scissors with his chubby fingers in the direction of Beckett. Beckett shot a glance at Prentice. When Prentice subtly shrugged his shoulders the mayor – who had attended enough public openings to know that not everything goes according to plan – gave the ribbon a soft karate chop and said ‘I declare this attraction open!’ The very picture of officialdom, they mayor’s red robes stretched around his magnificence to the point where no one could doubt the quality of their craftsmanship such was the strain they were under. Prentice couldn’t wait to see him airborne. However, prior to Husband’s Indian rope trick featuring the head of the council, certain rituals had to be observed. Glasses were charged and a photographer from the local paper bustled all the major players into a picture. Satisfied he had enough group shots, the photographer jostled the mayor onto the stationary chairlift. Several poses were trailed until the newspaper man settled for the mayor with his arms and legs outstretched in a star shape. Opting to hold on to his glass of bubbly for the ascent, the mayor found himself hoisted a couple of feet into the air in preparation of a countdown. As 10am approached Beckett began: 10, 9, 8, and the crowd joined in, 7, 6, 5, 4… Prentice was beside himself with excitement… 3, 2, 1. Husband threw the lever and the mayor was gently winched into flight. Although the mayor was anti-aerodynamic the sight of his legs kicking over the side of the bench made it seem as though he was peddling himself up the cliff face. It was quite graceful in its own way, and a quarter of the way up the cable Prentice thought how the mayor would make an exemplary company mascot. Out over open water the mayor’s legs began to tire and he found himself in need of refreshment. Quaffing from the champagne glass he conducted a rapid survey of all the landmarks he presided over. Looking back towards Dunderdale town centre he could just make out his seat of office. Upon turning his attentions back towards his destination he observed a welcome party. All was air and the only sound he could hear was a distant dog barking on the edge of the cliffs.