Game of Thrones Power Rankings: White Walkers Ruin Everything

Wow, you guys, this week’s Game of Thrones hurt. Just when things seemed to be settling into a rhythm in Westeros, something happened beyond the wall that might change the entire game. Meanwhile on the Iron Islands there was a split which will likely have repercussions for everyone who had forgotten they existed.

This week’s episode was a little slow before the big finale, with stories progressing sluggishly at both Castle Black and with Arya at the House of Black and White. Did I say Arya? I meant to say a girl. Is she still called Arya in the credits? They should probably change that. This week we got nothing from the Lannisters in King’s Landing or Ramsay in Winterfell. As such they are officially disqualified from this week’s rankings – if HBO can’t be arsed to give me anything to write about I won’t flipping write about them.

Without further ado, then:

 

1. Team White Walkers

Holy shit you guys! What just happened to Bran? How the hell is he going to outrun the white walkers when there’s an undead army of them literally yards behind him?

This week we finally decided to put the White Walkers in the rankings. They might not be all that interested in the Iron Throne, but after this episode it can’t be long before they finally turn their eyes south toward Westeros. Any suggestions on who could stop them?

They can turn the dead into soldiers. Not even the Three Eyed Raven and his Children of the Forest buddies  stood a chance. Both Summer and Hodor – god damn Hodor you guys! I think I might cry – fell in tragic last stands. At this rate the Night’s King is going to be playing Jon Snow’s ribs like a xylophone by the end of the season.

 

2. Team Targaryen

Daenerys only made a brief appearance this week, just so we know she’s no longer in peril. It’s starting to look like she might really have brought the Dothraki to heel, which is one of the reasons she’s sitting at number two on this list. Meanwhile Tyrion and Varys seem to have secured an uneasy peace between Daenerys’ regime and the slavers of Slavers’ Bay. When it comes to realpolitik there’s no one in Game of Thrones who come close to this pair. Their alliance with a Red Priestess is cause for concern though –  we’ve seen what sorts of things happen when one of those is involved.

 

3. Team Ironborn

There’s a new leader on the Iron Islands, and it’s not Yara. Successfully proving they’re not just morbid jerks, but sexist morbid jerks, the Ironborn chose to elect Euron Greyjoy instead. Euron is Yara and Theon’s uncle – the guy who murdered their father a few weeks back. He’s travelled the high seas all over the world and has apparently gone about maniacal as a result. When Yara and Theon steal a bunch of his ships Euron decides he’s going to chop down every tree on the Iron Islands and build the biggest fleet in the world. He apparently wants to use it to get into Daenerys’ pants. Oh, how we laughed – he’s going to end up a smouldering pile of ash, isn’t he?

 

4. Team Stark

This week was mostly about making plans for the Starks. Still hold up at Castle Black Sansa, Jon and company spent most of the episode scheming to take down Ramsay. This seemed to mainly be about which Northern houses they couldn’t trust and which ones would rally behind them. We also found out from Littlefinger that the Tully’s have gathered a force and retaken Riverrun in the south – though this is coming from Petyr Baelish, so should be treated like a reflection of a reflection of the truth. By the end of the episode they’re leaving Castle Black, so those awesome battle scenes we’ve been hoping for are getting tantalisingly close.

 

5. Team Yara

She might not have been picked to rule the Iron Islands but Yara Greyjoy does now have a fleet of ships to her name. It’s a testament to the bloody minded stupidity of the Ironborn that they felt it more important that their new King have his weird coronation ceremony in a puddle than it was to check where all those ships were going in such a hurry. Either way, Yara might be the only sensible person left of the Iron Islands’ ruling elite. Right now, however, she probably doesn’t have enough to take on Euron. It’ll be interesting to see if she tries to make any alliances to change this in the coming weeks.

 

The Rest

Team Tully

Mentioned but not seen in this episode. If you’re struggling to remember who the Tullys are we don’t blame you. It’s been a few seasons since they’ve really been around. Catelyn Stark’s family before she married Ned, House Tully were strong allies to Robb  during his war against Joffrey. Now it sounds like they might be back in the game.

Littlefinger

Never rule out Littlefinger. The fact he made the journey so close to Castle Black, risking capture by Ramsay, suggests he’s got something to gain from the trip. If he takes a big risk, you can bet there’s a big reward somewhere in the near future.