I’ve always been short. Obviously. I didn’t have a spell placed upon me which granted the height of Shaq before it was cruelly taken away.
At the age of about 9 and for roughly 1 glorious week, I was taller than my classmates and Lord, was I resplendent in my role as class Khali. Towering half an inch above my peers, I would be able to write on the chalkboard without the need for tiptoes as they all gawked on longingly. Those were the days.
Fastforward 12 years and I haven’t grown  an inch since. Being short in general is kind of difficult but girls don’t have it quite so bad as they can pass off as faeries and elves quite easily probably. Being a short guy is not easy in this modern world where teenagers are all the same height as a Redwood  so here are 6 reasons why it’s a tad lame.
1. Women do not love it
Because why go for Willow when you can have Channing Tatum?
That old “nice guys finish last” chestnut needs to be changed to reflect the smaller brethren who may lose out in the chase for the girl.
When you do get the girl, they can never ever wear heels in your company so be prepared to hide all of their pairs and blame the cat.
2. Gigs are impossible
Not too long ago, I was lucky enough to go and see Arcade Fire at Earl’s Court in London. It was fantastic: the band’s energy, performance and control of a packed arena was second to none.
Yet, I spent half of the gig trying to peer through the tiny gaps in the audience to maybe get a glimpse of some eccentric drumming and cursing the sky for my stunted knees. It was good but could have been so much better if I had stilts.
3. Eat anything, get fat.
Short guys are like fun-size Mars bars and if we eat like four of them, we show it pretty much straight away.
There’s a reason why Danny DeVito has never been on the cover of Men’s Fitness and that’s because he ate a slice of toast in 1979 that is still trying to work its way out of his system.
4. Jeans are heartbreaking
Jeans are the beginning and ending of everything so to have to find the perfect pair for  your kooky (read:disproportionate) legs might leave you feeling a little dead on the inside.
No matter how many times you see it, having to go for a short leg in jeans sizes makes you sad and then they STILL sometimes don’t fit quite right.
5. You will be likened to every short guy ever
“Do you know Tyrion Lannister?”
“How much of a pain in the arse is Gargamel in real life?”
“Hi, Tom Cruise.”
6. Your age will always betray you
As a 22 year old guy, I used to to often get mistaken for a person half my age but this was prior to me growing a beard and now I look about 46.
When I do turn 46, it will be kind of creepy but considering I’m the same height as Justin Bieber, it’s kind of a comfort to know that he will look like shit too. That is, if his fans haven’t by then consumed him as the centuries old prophecy dictates they will.
6 Reasons Why Being a Short Guy is Awesome.
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